Even though I am going through really emotionally tough times, I am very happy for the friends I have. I take it for granted most of the time, but right now I’d like to point out that I am very thankful.
Thanks.
The Heart? Or Instructions?
Last night, I was reading Exodus chapters 27 and 28, and it was all about God specifying to the people of Israel what He wanted them to build. It was full of clear and precise instructions, such as Exodus 27:1 (NIV),
1 “Build an altar of acacia wood, three cubits high; it is to be square, five cubits long and five cubits wide.
And I told myself that the Israelites had it really easy, that they would listen to the sovereign God, who is talking to them, and then they will be blessed. How much harder could it be? They could hear Him, they knew exactly what they needed to do, and God even provided for all the materials.
I had come to believe that I wished to be told by God what I needed to do to fulfill His plan and to be blessed. I thought that it would also help me feel secure in this world, that I am not going against the might of God.
I kept on sitting on the idea and I really ended up thinking the opposite. I started by thinking why God sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for us undeserving sinners. I believe that it is because God was done making instructions for His people to follow.
I think and believe that when God stopped giving us instructions for everything, it really changed the dynamics of being a believer. We got to make choices and we got to do what felt right to our hearts. Before, free will also existed but the choices we made were binary. Either you followed God’s instructions or you didn’t. Now, it became whether or not your heart was in the right place or not in everything we do.
But God did give us His ultimate instruction in the Book of Mark, chapter 12, verses 29 through 31 (NLT).
29 Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. 30 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ 31 The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”
I believe that fulfilling the Greatest Commandment is possible if our hearts are truly in the right place, and that is where I am still searching. Is my heart where it needs to be to serve God and show His glory upon this earth? To love all of my neighbors as myself?
Pondering
It is late at night, and I am just lost in thoughts.
I don’t know how I need to behave. I believe that it stems from my tendency to be bipolar sometimes. This is not the medical bipolar disorder but just a behavioral tendency to switch sides of a view in a snap of the finger, involuntarily. Maybe it is the actual disorder.
It can happen from day to day, hour to hour, or even minutes to the next couple minutes. It drives me insane sometimes and it causes me to go nuts about where I actually am, causes me to be confused about how I am identifying with the situation, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t know what actions I need to take for myself, and I am lost in my long term vision.
Some times, I am very happy and my vision is clear. However, it is not always so great. I lose all self worth, I lose all confidence, and most dangerously, I lose the hope that God instills in me as His creation.
I guess I need to stick it to the negativity and pray.
Sometimes, though, it doesn’t always seem to help. I just lose more confidence and hope sometimes. I don’t know what to do, except to just give up and let God deal with everything.
Hi There
Is this societal tundra, ever so frozen by selfishness, Sin, and Satan, I aim to reflect on the mightiness of God. Once in a while, there may be some other content related to Music, Programming, or just Life.
I think one of the biggest goals of this website is for myself, actually. I aim to learn more about who I am through the things I think about and write down here.